Looking Out

I want to get drunk
and hide in my solitude
Away from prying eyes
and the judgmental
I want to tell myself that I'm special
that I'm good
Shades of paranoia fill
the dark brown coffee I drown in
Gray skies or blue
when I look the sky tells me what my world must be
If I don't look out at the world
it can be whatever I want it to
Time is irrelevant
life is just a series of tasks
One by one they are done
and time passes
I want to escape this world
with its simple pains and pleasures
To seek out the harsh unforgiving light
of the world outside
But I can't remember where I put the door
sometimes I think I know, but then I get distracted
Yesterday I stood at the window for a long time
thinking that my world had merged with the other
Then I saw someone who used to be a friend
clouds blotted out the sun and I turned back inside
The day will come, I tell myself
when I will once more feel the warm sun on my face
And naked, climb mountains and proclaim myself
to be who I know I really am

© 2003 Dark Spiral Productions